I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I am going to make a guess we have at least two things in common: we have made a New Year's resolution at some point. And we have broken a New Year's resolution at some point.
The number of Americans who make New Year's resolutions typically hovers around 40 percent or so, and has held pretty constant for decades now, as this data from the Marist polling firm shows. Each year, that's tens of millions of Americans who plan to change something about their behavior. And research suggests that most of them fail. 60 percent of new year's resolutions failThe most rigorous study of New Year's resolutions, conducted by researchers at the University of Scranton, shows a steep drop off in how long New Years resolutions stick around. Seventy-seven percent of the resolvers studied made it through a full week, then 55 percent stuck with their goals for a month. By June, six months into the New Year, only 40 percent of those who had made a New Year's resolution were still sticking with the goal. Given that so many Americans do make New Years resolutions each year, researchers have learned a thing or two about what helps people succeed. Here are three key things they've learned about the people who do stick to their goals, and what separates the 40 percent of people who keep their New Years resolutions from the 60 percent who don't. 1) Make your goal attainable© Provided by Vox.com scale Yes, it is more exciting to choose a big target as a New Year's resolution, to commit to losing 50 pounds or quitting smoking cold turkey. And yes, it is much more boring to commit to losing five pounds in a year, or smoking one less cigarette per day. But the people who study goal-setting are pretty universal on this point: the more manageable goals are the ones where people actually succeed. And this is pretty intuitive: it's a lot easier to commit to small-level change than a complete life overhaul. "When you set weight loss goals, you don't really know how your body is going to react or what is going to be attainable," says Lisa Ordonez, a professor at the University of Arizona's Eller School of Business whose research focuses on goal-setting in organizations. "If you haven't done it for awhile, you need to do your research and revise your expectation." Another benefit of setting attainable goals: you can always up the ante. The person who commits to losing five pounds and succeeds can set another target, to lose a bit more weight. But the person who loses five pounds while committed to shedding 50 pounds, is still eons away from declaring a victory. People who don't meet their goals are more likely to fail in subsequent attemptsMeanwhile, there's actually a tangible risk to failure: research has shown that people who don't meet their goals in dieting, for example, become less likely to succeed in future attempts. They seem to build up a narrative in their head that the thing they want to do is impossible. They have, after all, screwed it up before. "Every time we fail, we damage our own self-esteem," says Janet Polivy, a psychologist at the University of Toronto in Mississauga. "We make ourselves less able to bounce back the next time. One thing we see is that, when people fail, they don't blame the diet. They blame themselves. And that makes it hard to start again." 2) Know that you will screw up. That's inevitable, and okay.A few decades back, Polivy discovered what is arguably one of the best-named psychological phenomena: the "what the hell" effect. She and her co-workers did a study where she gave dieters milkshakes before serving them a dish of ice cream (why, exactly, people trying to lose weight would sign up for this study is unclear). The milkshakes were of variable sizes; some dieters got big ones, others were tiny. Watch out for the "what the hell" effectFor dieters, you would think that those who got the larger milkshakes would eat less ice cream — they were, after all, trying to count calories. But Polivy found the opposite: those who had large milkshakes ate even more ice cream. The mentality seemed to be: my diet is already off the wagon, why not screw up a bit more? "The research has been replicated fairly frequently," Polivy says. "There seems to be this sense of, well, I ate something I shouldn't, this day is ruined, I'll just start again tomorrow, or next week, or next month." Of course, not everybody starts again. Sometimes, the screw-up becomes the reason to say to hell with the entire diet. Polivy's argument is that goals don't have to work this way: you can acknowledge the mistake and then get back on track. One extra scoop of ice cream isn't a reason to give up on a weight loss goal altogether. 3) Be very motivated and committedBehavior change is hard. Really, incredibly hard — that's why we usually stick to the routines that we have. It's easier to skip the gym than go; it's built into our routines to go out drinking with friends on a Friday, rather than skip the calories that come along with one (or five) beers. Lisa Lahey, a Harvard professor and co-author of the book "Change: How to Overcome it and Unlock the Potential in Yourself and Your Organization," recommends looking at the concrete steps that will need to happen in order to achieve the changes that you're looking for. What are the things that will be different about your life, and how can you manage those behaviors? Map out: what will be different about your life, and how will you manage that change?Take weight loss, for example: one thing that dieters sometimes struggle with is missing out on opportunities to eat with others. And this is a real fear, she says, of becoming disconnected with others as they try and achieve their goals. Lahey recommends not giving up communal meals altogether but rather testing out how to best manage those situations. "You don't have to do the prima donna thing and order grilled chicken when everybody else is eating chicken parmesan," Lahey says. "You can feel like you belong by eating less of your portion, or maybe just deciding not to have bread. And gradually you learn how to balance."
0 Comments
Janet always eats before a holiday party. “When you know there’s going to be booze, don’t go hungry,” she says. Sure, have some food from the buffet, she says, but watch out for the rum-soaked cookies. “Maybe there’s an open bar. You get a soda, you get a tonic water – but don’t put the drink down. Hold on to it.” If you get up to dance, Janet says, ask for a fresh glass when you return. “You don’t want to pick up somebody else’s drink by mistake – a real drink. An alcoholic drink.”
Janet, who asked that her real name not be used, is 64 years old and 25 years sober. Holidays are tricky for recovering alcoholics, she says, and at least for her, they don’t get any easier. “You always have to remain vigilant," she says. "As someone who’s trying to stay sober, you can never really let your guard down.” Are You Crossing the Line?Even if you’re just a social drinker, holidays can challenge your limits with celebrations, family feasts, socializing and parties – and ramped-up drinking. It’s not only people with alcohol disorders who drink too much. “The vast majority of adults can drink reasonably and moderately without problems,” says Eric Collins, an addiction psychiatrist and physician-in-chief at Silver Hill Hospital in New Canaan, Connecticut. “You can decide to drink; you can enjoy drinking.” But there’s just a lot more alcohol around during the winter holidays. “There’s always the idea of champagne to toast the New Year,” Collins says. “There’s always alcohol flowing – usually the parties start well before midnight.” If you consider yourself a normal drinker, but have concerns about year-end consumption, here are signs it’s heading past the point of fun: Binge drinking. Gulping down several drinks in a two-hour period – at least four drinks for women or five for men – is considered a binge-drinking episode. Binge drinking is “extremely dangerous,” Collins says, and can lead to alcohol poisoning. Alcohol attraction. A champagne brunch or two over the holidays – for most people there’s no problem. But “one way it crosses the line is if you can’t imagine going to an event without alcohol,” Collins says. Ditto for workplace celebrations: “One clue that there’s a major problem, or there could be a problem, is a very special attachment people develop to drinking.” Personality shift. If people tend to get irritable when they drink and fight with family or friends – “when there’s some real shift or change in their personality” – that’s an issue, Collins says. Some people may drink to “manage” visits with disliked relatives, but insulting your mother-in-law and other holiday hostilities are signs that drinking is out of hand. Work-Party PitfallsA large survey of U.S. adults on holiday drinking by the Caron Treatment Centers found "rather shocking" attitudes, says psychologist Harris Stratyner, vice president and clinical director for Caron's New York region. Work-related parties fall into a special category, he says, when alcohol fuels "reactive situations where people yell and scream and even get into fights." "Making passes at women and men, inappropriate flirting [and] acting out sexually" are particularly dangerous among office colleagues, he says. You may say something when you're even "slightly inebriated" that you not only regret the next day, but leaves you wondering if you'll be hearing from Human Resources. And yes, he says, people have gotten fired from holiday-party mishaps. Women need to realize that they become inebriated much faster than men, Stratyner says. And young women are more prone to "drunkorexia" – where "they go without eating all day, so they can save up calories to drink all night at a holiday party." He says that phenomenon is "amazing, also pretty stupid – and dangerous." Glass Too FullIt’s easy to lose track of how much you’re really drinking. An 18-ounce goblet filled halfway with a generous pour of pinot noir comes to nearly double the amount of a standard wine serving – defined as 5 ounces. Beer glasses come closer to the mark: A typical 16-ounce mug holds slightly more than a single beer serving, which is 12 ounces. While a standard serving of liquor is 1.5 ounces, some shot glasses hold up to 2.5 ounces. And when the party host hands you mixed a drink, you can’t always tell how much is scotch and how much is soda. Combining alcohol with prescription drugs, particularly sedating drugs, can be dangerous, Collins warns. And Stratyner points out that even blood pressure medications can make you sleepy and dizzy. "You have one drink, innocently," he says. "And the next thing you know, you're driving and you doze off at the wheel." Smarter, Safer DrinkingCollins offers the following advice for sensible holiday drinking: Alternate drinks. (No, not tequila followed by beer.) Try alternating each alcoholic beverage with a glass of water. “The reality is, people enjoy themselves a lot more when they don’t drink too much,” Collins says. By making every other drink a sparkling water or soda, you’ll have a better, more festive time. Know your limits. Having a designated driver is crucial, Collins says, and most people are much better about avoiding drunk driving than 20 or 30 years ago. But don’t confuse binge-drinking limits with legal drinking limits – you could be over the legal blood alcohol limit without technically bingeing. Look out for others. During holiday gatherings, keep an eye out for friends and family members who may be showing signs of alcohol poisoning. These include mental confusion, stupor, vomiting, seizures, slow or irregular breathing and bluish skin color or pallor, according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. When One Drink’s Too MuchThe holiday season itself can be hard, Collins says: “The days are getting short and the weather’s getting cold and the leaves are down.” And it can be more difficult for people in trying to maintain their sobriety, he says, particularly in early stages. “For people I treat who want to remain sober – and most of them do – I usually suggest planning how they’ll manage the weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year’s,” he says. One step is sticking to helpful routines, like regular exercise. Staying busy with activities you enjoy takes the focus off drinking. And watch out for alcohol as a hidden ingredient in food. Alcoholics Anonymous members could reach out to their sponsors and attend more meetings, Collins says. People who see an addiction therapist might go a little more often. Also, he suggests planning events like parties with a sober person “so you can support each other through that – you’re both not drinking.” Holiday Sobriety“HALT” is shorthand for avoiding events with alcohol when you’re hungry, angry, lonely or tired, explains Janet, who works in an AA office. At parties, she says, stick to that Perrier with a twist and “try to steer clear of discussions of, ‘Oh, you’re not having any wine?’ or ‘You’re not having any of the punch?’” Just change the subject. During holiday gatherings, family dynamics can push anyone’s buttons. Have a quick-exit strategy so you can leave anytime, Janet says. Or if conversation gets heated, offer to help the host, start clearing dishes and duck out to the kitchen. Alkathons – marathon, round-the-clock AA meetings – are held in many AA districts around the country, typically starting on Christmas Eve or New Year’s Eve and running the next 24 hours or so. They provide fellowship and a sober alternative to holiday parties. Some AA chapters hold New Year’s Eve parties. “There won’t be alcohol served, but there’ll be beverages and food and sweets and usually a really great DJ,” Janet says. “And it’s basically saying, you can still have a heckuva lot of fun in sobriety. Life isn’t over because you’re not drinking.” Copyright 2014 U.S. News & World Report You can dread the holidays as a passive bystander or you can actively shape your experience of them to be life-giving. Your choice will reaffirm whether you choose to be fully alive in the present or not.
All too often I hear people express angst about holiday gatherings that they feel obligated to attend. To be certain there are gatherings such as work related events where your absence would not serve you well. Those who anticipate the holidays share a sense of gladness and expectation about being with at least some of the guests. Their anticipation is usually grounded in a well-developed self-awareness which accepts others as they are and an ability to not get caught up in the drama or baggage of others. These three tools to create a life-giving experience of the holiday season can also be applied to other work or family events. 1. Detach to Engage. You are not obligated to engage in or endure lengthy and painful conversations with those whose energy, attitude or chip on their shoulder sucks the spirit out of you or others. Those are their issues and choices, not yours. You are not responsible for their behavior and you cannot change it. You can be polite and detach. Detachment is the practice that reflects your grounding as a compassionate and courageous person. With loving intention you entrust the well-being of the person you detach from to the goodness of the Universe. This is not an expression of anger or righteousness but an act of hoping for their highest good. It frees you both. Your detachment allows you to be fully present to the positive energy of other guests. 2. Frame New Conversations. One woman found herself filled with anxiety at the thought of family holiday events. She dreaded the sexist, racist and homophobic jokes or comments that would be offered. She thought about abandoning her family’s events. Instead she decided that she did not want to walk away as a helpless victim. She prepared herself with stories to tell in response to the inevitable offensive comments. When she told those stories – attending the wedding of two women at her church, getting to know Latino immigrants through her volunteer work – she discovered that the landscape changed. Her stories invited connection to real human beings beyond labels and crude jokes. Her experience of the family gatherings began to shift. 3. Name Your Gratitude. Your gratitude is a reflection of the rich variety of relationships and experiences that shape your life. It can only be compromised by the negative or toxic behavior of others if you allow them to elbow your gratitude to the sidelines. In preparation for the center of the holiday season take a few minutes each day to name or write down one person or experience you are grateful for. This practice creates a heartfelt mosaic of gratefulness. Express your thankfulness to each of the people you have named and the particular experiences they may have shaped. If you will not see them in person express your gratitude via a note, email or social media tool. If you are with the person be prepared for how you will convey your heartfelt thanks. Naming your gratitude creates a mindful way of appreciating your interconnection with others. When you detach in order to engage, frame new conversations and name your gratitude you choose to be present to yourself and others in life-affirming ways. These choices unclutter the angst or apprehension you might feel. They allow you to experience holiday gatherings in unexpected and positive ways. How will you be proactive in your choices? It's easy to get frustrated at times and sometimes hard to pull ourselves out of the frustration. When I feel frustrated I have found a couple of things that really help to relieve the frustration. One of these things in journaling. I try to write in my journal everyday about how I am feeling and what I can do to relieve any emotional stress I feel. Journaling is helpful because it gets issues down on paper and out of our heads. It helps us to let go of a frustration or any other negative feeling we are experiencing. If we go back and read our journals we will find patterns in our behavior that repeat themselves and it gives us insight on how to change these negative patterns.
Another avenue to relieve frustration that I practice is mediation. Twenty minutes everyday, just sit and focus on your breathing and when your mind wonders away, guide yourself back to focusing on your breathing. These teaches you to dismiss unwanted thoughts such as intrusive or obsessive thoughts. This clears your mind. Meditation is a practice however and it takes work, but it is very helpful once you get the hang of it. Feel free to browse my site, notice every moment and have a good holiday". -- Keith My latest work is published online at http://scars.tv/cgi-bin/writers.pl?KEITHKELLY , and is scheduled for magazine publication in the August and October 2015 issues of cc&d magazine available at http://scars.tv/. Enjoy, and as always thank you for your support. Please feel free to browse this site and remember, "Notice every moment." --Keith
|
AuthorKeith Kelly currently lives in Rio Rancho New Mexico. Archives
October 2020
Categories |